April 27, 2009

Six NBA Players in Need of a Jayson Williams Tasering

Former shotgun spokesman Jayson Williams, had an episode with police in a New York City hotel room Monday after trashing the room and apparently coming off as suicidal.  Poor guy,  I figured after blasting someone in the face with a shotgun, 5 years later, he'd be doing just fine!

While tasering seems to be all the rage these days in pig circles, we were wondering which other NBA players are in need of a little shock therapy.  Here's a quick Playoff breakdown...

The "Birdman" Chris Andersen

The guy already has a sweet prison nickname!  And let's not forget that greasy mop and barrage of tattoos he's added to his already cracked out bad boy arsenal.  The scariest part about lambasting Birdman with some extra electricity is the thought that he'd probably enjoy it.

Kevin Garnett's Mouth

How about that game 2, sidelined, v-neck performance?  While always finding a way to come off as the guy with the biggest heart in the game, KG found yet another way to come off as the biggest jerk-off in the game.  He may not have been down on all fours taunting a rookie this time, but he did find that wearing sweater vests makes it even easier to yell obscenities from across an entire arena.

Rasheed Wallace's Game 4 Performance

Retirement Tasering should be the only option for a guy known for his intensity and toughness in big games that decided to mail it in during the final match-up of the 1st round of the Playoffs while trying to avoid a sweep.  Laying an egg with a measly 5 rebounds in 29 minutes for one of the clutch performers in history calls for some shockage.

The New Orleans Hornets

58 point loss in the Playoffs?  50-freakin-8?  Call in S.W.A.T. for a team effort.

Andrew Bynum's Knee

A little shock therapy possibly?  Anything is better than hula hooping and squatting Playboy Bunnies right?  Nothing like a quick nipple zapper to straighten out this young chap's brain.  Wonder when fans across this great country are going to rag on this clown as much as they do Greg Oden? 

Delonte West's Cornrows

Seriously "D" they need to go.  The mini-fro was acceptably cute, but the cornrows, having gone out of style 8 years ago are far overdue.  You know it's all over with when A.I., Melo, Rip, and even Big Bad Ben Wallace lop off the locks.  Next up, Nene.

Anyone we missed?
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Zoner 4/28/09, 7:05 AM  

Tyrus Thomas' decision making.

kellex 4/28/09, 7:15 AM  

Haha, that's perfect. Still shaking my head at that play...

Alecu 4/28/09, 7:56 AM  
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous 4/28/09, 10:58 AM  

Josh Smith's jumper...

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This Portland Trail Blazers blog definitely isn't your basic "recap/report the news" kind of blog. We tend to lean a little to the sporadic and unsystematic side of this young and sexy basketball team. Oh, and you'll definitely see a lot of Blazer Dancer action around here, so bring your bucket of ice.

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